So what did God do, He sends me an angel in the form of Kerry, to direct me to a book and offer to go on the journey with me. As per my last blog post, I was not happy about the idea of losing weight as it is a lifestyle change that I didn’t want to make but I knew it had to be done. I had the sense that it has to be now or I will live to regret it. The next day I go to the doctor as my prescription needs a refill and I walk away with the distinct feeling that I must lose the weight that the doctor has been nagging me about now. I created one for my phone about a month a go but I still felt like I needed a proper board up in my room so finally it is done. I have been attempting to put one together for the past two years. I wrote down my goals, my words for the year (“intentional” being one of them) and I started looking for images for my vision board. On New Years day I suddenly found myself with alone time on my hands so I started working in a new journal that I had purchased. So I made the decision to start acting intentionally and it blows my mind how quickly the universe comes to the party. I react and I definitely don’t act intentionally.Ĭlearly this needs to change. I tell myself it is but, hello, I haven’t exactly come anywhere close to achieving them so clearly my actions are not. I just fall into things and never actually question if the action I find myself taking is really getting me any closer to my end goal. I have a tendency to say I want to do certain things and even have a “why” as motivation yet, I never intentionally act on those desires. This is what I have to be mindful of, which is easier said than done, unfortunately.After much assessment of where I am and where I want to be, I came to realise that I don’t really live a very intentional life. I begin to shutdown and I'm unable to communicate effectively. These things aren't necessarily bad, but when it gets to the point where I become overwhelmed is where things can become bad. Sometimes I've just got to get things out. I don't put any stipulations on what I write, I just write. Another thing I will continue to do that is apart of my self-care, is journaling. Despite not having everything figured out, I'm still feeling optimistic and encouraged.
The times when I may not be able to get in contact with my therapist, what will I do? I haven't quite figured that out yet. I've decided that I'm not interested in finding a new therapist in NY, so what does that really mean for me? That means text messaging, phone calls, and facetiming most likely will be our more consistent forms of communication. With my move coming up I've been thinking about many things, but especially what my self-care may look like for me now that I'll be about four hours away from my therapist. Fortunately, communicating effectively has been one of the things I've been addressing in therapy and I think I've been making a little bit of progress. That's a mindset I've been working on trying to get out of but it hasn't been easy. I still haven't completely gotten out of the habit of feeling uncomfortable about sharing what I may be thinking or feeling without feeling like I'm burdening people.
There are moments I find myself feeling overwhelmed by my thoughts and emotions. Often times there are things I don't feel comfortable sharing with loved ones. It was very important to me that I found someone that I was willing to let my walls down for. I've been through about 4 or 5 different therapists over the years. About four years ago I made the decision to get back into therapy on a consistent basis which is probably one of my most important breakthroughs. This is a move I've been wanting to make for many years, but things wouldn't align for me the way I needed them to. In about two weeks I will be moving back to New York. I'm currently undergoing a very important transition in my life.
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